When it’s Time to Turn a New Page

“Oh no, not again,” I said to myself as I began to come to in the early morning hours before dawn. My head hurt, and my body felt numb. There was a hallway light on in a home I didn’t recognize. The dreaded pieces of last night’s events began to surface. A lone Benson and Hedges cigarette butt floated in the bottom of a half-empty Miller bottle. “I can’t do this anymore,” I muttered to myself.

Positioned strategically on the ashtray in front of me was a sweet note from my host that simply said: “We brought you home and put you here last night, all your belongings are here as well. Don’t worry you’ll be fine”

There I was, waking up in unfamiliar surroundings, and though this wouldn’t be the last time, it would be a new type of dawn for me. It marked the beginning of understanding the power of surrender when choices began to dwindle. That memory has stayed with me with great clarity, even after over 42 years of not drinking. That moment of surrender didn’t come with trumpets or a clear laid-out plan about what would happen next. It served more as an access point where something greater than me, my plans, and desperate attempts at control could begin to take root and emerge.

Over the last four decades, I’ve had more moments of surrender than victories. My life’s resume has been written as I’ve gone through life, not as I’ve won at life. All my surrenders, whether sweet or not, have led to beginnings without clearly described endings.

At this stage of my life, I see that it has always been, love through grace, that ushers in a well lived life. Perfection not required, presence encouraged.

If there is a formula to follow, I believe it is best followed when it begins within and works its way up and out. I have learned to trust the process.Whatever that may be. There is no need to know how the story ends to start something new. Love easily, forgive often, and serve wholeheartedly. Live, learn, upgrade and don’t do this thing called life alone.

Aging gracefully is a by-product of acceptance, humor, and a solid grounding in your beautiful resilient spirit. We got this, don’t worry we’ll be fine.